You Seem So Normal

You wouldn’t believe how often I’m told that I seem so normal. It’s either said in shocked disbelief or with some vague hint of betrayal. 

Southern Girl

For those of you who don’t know, I am a southern girl. I was raised in the deep south which tends to surprise people even if they know I’m from Florida. For some reason, most of the world seems to think all of Florida can be summed up in the images they’ve seen of  cities such as Miami, Orlando, and the Keys. 

As it happens, I’m not from that part of Florida. I’m from the small town, surrounded by oak trees, spanish moss, and dirt roads part of Florida in the middle of absolutely nowhere.

The first time I remember finding out that I do not present as though that is where I am from was when I escorted my great aunt on a trip back to areas of the country where she and her husband spent most of their lives together. This included various locations throughout New England and the Midwest. 

After spending a day with some of her friends we were having dinner when one of them asked me a question and I answered with, “Yes, m’am.”

Everyone at the table looked at me like I’d suddenly turned into an actual demon and I realized I’d said something wrong but had no idea what it was. 

Someone said, “You’re from the South?” 

I’m pretty sure I tilted my head like a confused puppy and responded with, “Yes, m’am?”

The look of absolute horror on everyone’s faces at the point was almost comical. It was about that time that I realized I didn’t meet their expectations for what a southerner should be.

So, naturally I went full Scarlett O’Hara when she said, “But, you seem so normal.”

I resonpded with a much more pronounced southern accent, “Yes, m’am.”

Then things got really interesting. The questions they had were akin to what you might expect a visitor from another planet would endure.

After questions about slavery, guns, and any number of other things they came back around to being shocked I was well spoken and intelligent. 

I’m Female

Another thing you may not know about me from listening to me and never seeing me is that I look very much the way society expects a female to look. I’m all of the things one associates with femininity including, long hair, soft voice, and soft body with all the curves. 

I use to hide all of that with my hair in a bun, no makeup, and clothes that made it very difficult to tell what my body looks like partially because of the way people treat you when you look that way.

However, I’m still a chick. It’s not something people are ever confused by and it gets commented on. A lot.

I’ve been told more times than I can count, “You’re so normal, for a girl.” 

This one is a little sneaky because people (and yes, I mean people not just men because women do it to me all the time too) will say something along the lines of women are so emotional, or women are irrational, or women can’t blah blah blah which is then immediately followed by some version of oh not you Robin - you’re more like a guy (by which they mean normal). 

It also happens when people are shocked by how direct and assertive I am. I always get told some version of I seemed so normal because I’m quiet and polite (as a woman should be, obviously) before I disagreed with them. I’m assuming this means it would be more normal if I were passive aggressive and compliant but who knows. This usually comes from people in positions of perceived authority or men.

Paradoxically, I’m also told “you seem so normal” by women when they get to know me because to them I (apparently) seem unapproachable and as if I don’t like them because I’m quiet and polite (as opposed to emotive and gossipy). 

My takeaway is that a normal woman is quiet but welcoming, polite but friendly, honest but nonoffensive, and competent but not bossy or some other b word.

So I’m quiet, polite, honest, and competent which is why I seem so normal but I’m also not overly welcoming or friendly and am totally offensive to people who expect me to be quietly compliant, and I’m very much bossy or some other b word ;)

My ex husband has said I’m duplicitous not because I am intentionally trying to mislead people but because everything people assume about me because of their surface level knowledge of me is inherently misleading. Like I’m doing it on purpose. I know you can’t see me but I’m rolling my eyes so hard.

Witches are Real

On to the next not so normal thing about me. I’m a witch. Yup, fully pagan. Polytheistic not even kind of Christian. I do all of the things; rituals, spells, tarot, work with the Moon, seasons, weather, nature, etc and I am most of the psy or clair adjacent things. 

But I don’t “look” like a witch. I “look” normal. At least that’s what I’m frequently told by muggles who find out when I say I’m a witch I don’t just mean whatever it is they think I mean that isn’t actually the same as being not aligned with the abrahamic traditions, practicing magic, and experiencing the nonphysical reality equal to that of a physical reality. 

It’s fine if Christians talk to god and believe in angels, demons, and non physical locations to which they go when they leave their physical body but say that outside of the context of that paradigm and suddenly you’re the weird one. Anywho. This could be a whole episode.

My point is simply people look at me and immediately put me into the church lady category and are often shocked when I am firmly outside that particular box because ‘I look so normal’.  

Unless I  to go somewhere other magical creatures happen to be lurking about at which point I get asked to do all the magical things because I only ‘look so normal’ if all you’re looking at is the surface level of what I am. 

Neurodivergent

The most interesting thing about all of these stories, at least to me, is that they all happened because I’m neurdivergent. That’s not entirely true. I’m neurodivergent, highly functioning, and able to mask effectively.

You see, one of the superpowers of many of us who are neurodivergent is that we have the ability to pretend to be anyone we want so that we blend in with the world around us. I say it a bit flippantly but the truth is that we do it because we were taught at some point in our lives that it was unsafe to not do it.

But I even get told “you seem so normal” when people find out I’m any of the neurodivergent things that I am. I won’t get into all of what I am here because holy catnip that would take awhile but what I frequently have happen with my ‘mom friends’ is they’ll have a child who is diagnosed with adhd, autism, a learning disability, or a sensory issue and they are upset because it means something is “wrong” with their child.

When I point out that I am xyz and ask if they think it’s held me back any they are always somewhat aghast and say some version of ‘but you seem so normal’ or tell me that my experience isn’t as severe. They’re right about one and hella wrong about the other. I for sure do seem normal and my experiences are pretty darn severe for some of the sensory processing issues I have as well as the learning disability. 

What they actually mean (even though they don’t know it) is that I mask really well and make it easy for them to interact with me. And what they really want (even though they haven’t admitted it to themselves) is that they want their children to mask better so they can interact with them more easily.

Which brings me back to the superpower bit. Those of us who have the masking superpower only have it because there were serious consequences to not having it and we were able to adapt to our surroundings. 

It is crazy useful and I will continue to use it whenever I don’t feel like dealing with the collateral damage of being myself. That’s actually pretty frequently. The biggest difference for me is that now I try to notice when I’m doing it unconsciously and then decide if I want to or not. Sometimes I’ve realized that I’m totally fine with the other people being the ones who are uncomfortable for a change instead of me ;)

Normal is Subjective

I think at this point I’ve made a pretty decent case in favor of me not being normal. 

But that’s not actually the point of this particular episode. My point is that YOU seem so normal and I totally know you’re not. You’re just trying to blend in so that all of the ways that you think you’re weird and unacceptable won’t get you in trouble with the normal police. 

What is normal is completely subjective and entirely made up. It isn’t real. 

Why not be the full embodiment of who you were meant to be from the day you were born because there is no such thing as normal.

There’s only what’s normal for you.

That’s what I love about astrology. It makes it so clear to me that everyone is completely unique and there is no single user manual that is applicable to all of the humans on the planet. 

You don’t have to be restricted to what the people around you have told you is normal for them. 

Until next time, my wish for you is a willingness to be seen as not so normal. 

Podcast Theme Music

License:  Rustic Ballad by Alexander Nakarada