Wicked Veracity Podcast Show Notes | Episode 100

3 Reasons You Should Start Paying Attention to Your Thoughts Immediately

Did you notice the episode number? This is my one-hundredth episode since I released the first episode on January 1, 2021. The first seven months of the podcast, there was zero astrology - crazy right? It was all mindset and thoughtwork inspired by music.

These second episodes each week have been me slowly reintegrating more of the life coach, philosopher, and witch parts of myself back into the podcast and it seems appropriate for the 100th episode to be a reflection of that process.

Toddlers and Pirates

As you’re listening (or reading) to this, I want you to think of your mind as a ship. That ship is responsible for taking your body from one goal to the next. With the wrong person at the helm, you’re likely to find yourself sinking or shipwrecked somewhere you didn’t even want to be. 

The two people vying for control of the helm are your unconscious and conscious brain. The unconscious part of your brain is a toddler in full tantrum mode when any of their instant desires aren’t met - even those that aren’t good for them and for sure don’t get them the results they really want.  

The conscious part of your brain is your favorite ship’s captain. I switch between Picard and Jack Sparrow, but you can choose your own avatar. 

The reason you need to pay attention to your thoughts is so you know who is driving the ship. If it happens to be that sociopathic toddler, it’s important for you to notice it in time for Jack or Jean Luc to take over before you get stranded at the bottom of the ocean or in a time paradox.  

1. Facts & Fiction

First, we need to talk about the difference between fact and fiction. I know you think you learned this when you were little, but most people have a really hard time with this so I’m going to spend a little time defining the terms.

Facts are objectively true phenomena or events. 

• It is raining. 
• My car was hit by a van. 
• My father died. 
• Mercury is retrograde 
• I had a baby on Stardate 47634.44 

Those are all facts. Even that stardate bit.

People think their thoughts are facts but they’re not. Thoughts are fiction. 

They’re stories our brains come up with about the facts we encounter. I call it fiction instead of thoughts sometimes because it is helpful to quickly shock people out of their belief system that if it’s in their head it must be true. 

This is important because often what keeps us stuck in a situation is nothing more than our thought about it. That means you can’t get unstuck and begin making forward momentum if you’re not paying attention to all of that fiction swirling around in your head.

Let’s look at the fiction I can make up about the previously mentioned facts.

• It is raining becomes:
• Today is so depressing.
• My car was hit by a van becomes:
• It isn’t safe to leave the house.
• My father died becomes:
• The holidays will be ruined without him.
• Mercury is retrograde becomes:
• Nothing is working so I should burn it all down and start over 
• I had a baby on Stardate 47634.44  becomes:
• I’ll never have the freedom to do what I want again.

Did I go with the most negative fiction I could think of for my example? Of course I did. Not only to make the point but because I’ve heard some version of that from clients (and myself). 

Thoughts are tricky and if you’re not paying attention you’ll end up with the most depressing and limiting version of your life. Who wants that?

2. Stay in Your Lane

Next up, when you pay attention to your thoughts it’s easier to stay in your lane. 

While it is true that it’ll help you not be in everyone else’s business, that’s not what I mean (this time anyway).

I know you think other people's feelings are your responsibility, but they’re not.

I know you think that because every single person I’ve ever talked to thinks that. Even I think that when I’m not paying attention.

One thing that people tend to think of as being subjectively good is when they “try not to hurt someone.” What this inevitably means is Person A lying to Person B in order to avoid something they think will be unpleasant for one or both of them. 

This fiction is sneaky because it seems like ‘not hurting someone’ is a good reason to do something. It seems like an objective truth that the goal should be to not hurt another person. 

But the truth is that your actions and words are never what hurts someone. It’s always their thoughts about those actions that cause them to feel pain. 

I’m going to use my favorite example to prove this point.

Let’s say someone very close to your best friend has died and you’re the one who has to tell them. If you don’t tell them, they can go about their day happily. If you do tell them, you think they’ll be devastated. The pain will be immense and if you’re the one who delivers the news, that makes it your fault right? 

This should be easy because most people will say of “course this isn’t my fault I didn’t kill the person.” But even if you *did* kill the person…

Would the choice of telling them or not telling them be what makes them happy or devastated? No, it would be the death itself right?

Also, no.

If their pain was caused by the death of their beloved (that you caused because in our little fiction you’re now the villain) then the devastation would have occurred instantly.

That means both the death and informing your friend of the death are neutral. They’re just facts.

Once your friend has the information, they’ll probably have thoughts and strong feelings about it and you might move into arch nemesis territory but that’s because of their thoughts about the facts. Not because the murder was a problem or you telling them about the murder was painful.

Yes, that’s an extreme example but drama is both fun and informative and it gets rid of all of the ridiculous “ok but what if this and this and this” arguments people like to try to use when they start grappling with the reality that feelings are caused by thoughts and not other people. 

AND the point remains the same about literally any topic you want to use a white lie about to avoid “hurting someone’s feelings”. This includes cheating on your partner, telling your mom you don’t want to go home for Christmas because her husband is an alcoholic that makes you uncomfortable, or telling your lover you’d prefer he do a little more this and a little less of that.

You aren’t responsible for their feelings about facts and when you try to get in their lane and control their feelings for them, you are so far out of your lane that your ship could be heading for the rocky cliffs and you wouldn’t even notice. 

Stay in your lane. Pay attention to your own thoughts and manage your own mind.

Before you go off, recognize that I’m talking about emotional pain. Yes, if you hit me in the face with a baseball, I am going to feel physical pain. But my emotional pain, or lack thereof, will come from my thoughts about the action. 

3. Try Harder

Finally, do you ever think if you just tried harder you could do all of the things equally well every single day?

That’s a lie your brain tells you so that you don’t do anything with everything that you have. Instead, you zone out on social media, playing games, watching tv, working excessive hours, or buffering your emotions with some other mindless activity so you don’t have to feel the pain of making a choice and going all in on the one thing you really want. 

Ok fine, you can choose two. But you can’t do all of the things equally well all of the time.

Constraint is necessary for change and if you’re not paying attention to your thoughts, you’re going to flit from one thing to the next. 

Sure, everything might look like it’s running smoothly but I guarantee you there are things you’re missing entirely - probably the things that are most important to you.

The Power of Paying Attention to Your Thoughts

The power of paying attention to your thoughts isn’t that you’ll suddenly become this blissed-out meme of a person who is always happy. 

For reals. That’s not the power. 

If I’m honest, it’ll be more like waking up as Neo outside of the Matrix. You’ll suddenly be responsible for all of your own feelings and results and it’ll be terrifying and depressing sometimes and you’ll probably be mad that you can’t just blame everyone else like you use to (or if I’m sticking to the Matrix example, that you can’t have steak anymore).

But you will have the power to experience life however tf you want and create any future you truly want bad enough to manage your mind for. 

Will it be scary? Yes.

Will it be stupid hard? Yes.

Will it be worth it? Absolutely.

Getting Started

If I’ve sold you on the importance of paying attention to your thoughts and you’re wondering how to actually do the thing, I’ve got you covered.

Being curious is the easiest and fastest way to remove yourself from the fiction and focus in on the facts. 

Ask yourself why - all of the time. Why do you think he’s mad at you? Why do you think you don’t have time? Why do you think the day is ruined? Why do you think she should do that thing differently?

If your answer is ever (or usually) because it’s true, then I’d suggest working with a coach or someone who is really great at discerning the difference between fact and fiction.  I personally call this a logic check when I ask someone to do it for me.

Yup, I have to have someone check my own facts for fiction on a semi-regular basis because brains are tricky and we all love a good piece of fiction ;)

Music Time

If you weren’t around for any of the first year, you may not know that just before my magical wish for you, there was always music. 

This week’s podcast is inspired by Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men:

Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear

When we aren’t paying attention to our thoughts, it can be difficult to know if we are wrong or right because our minds will play tricks on us. The toddler for sure shouldn’t be at the helm of the ship that is your life.  That’s why you have a captain and should be putting him (or her) in charge as often as possible.

Until next time, my wish for you is an intentional life.

Podcast Theme Music

License:  Rustic Ballad by Alexander Nakarada