I Feel Peace Near

The last episode was about creating a morning ritual to help you set up your day for success. 

Today I want to talk about finding peace with an evening ritual.

I’m self-employed which means I get to make my own schedule. That sounds like a dream right? It totally is, I’m not going to lie.

But it means that my workaholic tendencies can show up and have me working till ten or eleven at night and getting up at five to work some more. Well, it used to mean that, it doesn’t anymore.

But even when I was working a straight job, I still had a tendency to fill up all the space and not get enough sleep.

A few years ago, that changed. I created an evening ritual.

Mine begins with the premise of no outside communication after 8:30 pm. I have my phone go into do not disturb mode and I’m not supposed to check texts, social media, or email.

I also have on my list:

• Journal
• Check my planner
• Shower 
• Read 
• Be in bed by 10 pm

But I’m not going to lie and say this is easy to do. It takes constant awareness of your mind and your motivations. It means not slipping into default patterns.

For example, as I’m writing this, it’s 9 pm and I just checked my email, text, and Instagram. 

Thoughtwork is an ongoing practice, not a one-off cure.

I Know Myself

The thing is, I know myself. 

I know that when I don’t turn off the world and work off around 8:30, I don’t relax enough to fall asleep by 10 and that means I’m not hitting my morning routine the way that I want and tomorrow will go sideways.

I also know that if I’m avoiding journaling at night, it’s usually because there’s something bothering me and I know if I start writing I’ll have to not only think about it but also process whatever emotions I’m avoiding.

Y’all. The truth hurts. At least it’s feeling a little painful to me in this moment.

But that’s why we have rituals to bring us back to what we know is important. To be our touchstone when we begin to slip away from the person we want to be. 

So, I sometimes write and record these ahead of time - not often, mind you but sometimes. Everything before this point was written a few weeks ago but while I was writing it I realized that I was not coming close to making space for myself at night the way I wanted to and it really was having a detrimental effect on my everything.

So I went to work problem solving and I have a few things to share that can help you unplug.

Well, I can help if you’re an Apple user - if you’re an Android and Windows person not so much because I don’t mess with demonic entities ;) 

Alright so practical application time.

All Apple devices have this cool Screen Time feature under the settings folder.

There are a few things you can do here to help give you greater awareness about how you’re choosing to spend your time. What it won’t do is make the choices for you, because of course, you can turn the settings off at any time, you still have to adult to make this work. BUT it will at least give your brain a chance to remember what’s important to you.

First things, first. Downtime.

These are the hours during which all the things on your phone are no longer accessible. (don’t worry there are exceptions). You can customize this by day or have one setting for all the days. My downtime is scheduled between 8:30 pm and 8 am. 

I’ve been using it this way for about a week and I am shocked by how much time I wasted on IG, MarioKart, Pinterest, email, and all sorts of other random nonsense when I should’ve been taking care of me.

Next up is App Limits.

You can add limits for specific apps or app categories. So you could set a one-hour limit for all things social media or individual limits for each channel. I have a 30-minute limit per day for Instagram, which is the only social media app I have on my phone. 

I set these limits up for the apps that suck me in and cause me to lose half of my day before I realize what’s happening.

Communication Limits is the next weapon in the war against mindlessly wasting time.

I have it set up to allow communication (texts and calls) for all the people during screen time and to only allow communication from specific contacts during downtime. And by specific contacts I mean, there are two people who I’m allowing into my downtime space. 

To be honest, this is one of my favorite features because I have issues with not responding to text previews and I get texts all night from people because I have friends all over the world. But with this magic, I just see “preview not available” until 8 am and I get to bypass the stress of not answering.

Speaking of my people-pleasing tendencies, I also turned off all badges, alerts, and previews for texts, Slack, email, and all the various messaging apps I have. I have zero idea that anyone has tried to contact me unless it’s during a specific window when I’ve chosen to go see if anyone wanted my attention. It. is. Magical. Again - specific contacts have a way to get to me but not anyone else. Because while I love all the people I talk to regularly enough for them to have my phone number, I don’t love all the people all the time and I get easily overwhelmed when I’m answering a ton of people off and on all day. My stress levels go way down when I get to choose when to answer them all.

Alrighty, the last piece of the puzzle is Always Allowed - these are the apps that I can always access regardless of screen time or limits, etc. The ones that I have available essentially turn my phone into a remote control during my off hours. I can listen to music or podcasts and control the lights in my home as well as call people or text with my specific contacts but otherwise, my phone is just a brick and I totally love it.

A few things that I realized I needed access to regularly enough to add to my list of always allowed apps after trying to live without them were some of the astrology apps I have. A girl needs to know chart things when doing electional work and planning out her week. I also turned my calendar on for similar reasons.

And that’s how I’ve taken back my nights and really moved back into an evening ritual that promotes peace and growth and true connection and all of the other things I want in my life.

Music Time

Today, I don’t have a song for you. Instead, I have a full album. The group is Beautiful Chorus and the Album is Wheels of Light.

The lyrics from the entire album:

My roots reach deeply

I am connected to the core of me

I feel peace near

I am safe here

I am everything I want to be

I have everything I need

I release all things that no longer serve me,

I release all things that no longer work for me.

Please let me be brave

Please let me see my choices clearly

I see myself in joy and love

I know myself

I am enough

I am a perfect being of light

I have the power to live my life

There are a total of seven songs that collectively last 50 minutes and I cannot accurately describe the ethereal quality of the music or the feeling of peace that listening instills in me. I highly recommend it as a way to wind down and disconnect for the day.

So tell me... 

What is your before-bed ritual? Do you love it? Does it support your dreams of the person you want to be in this lifetime? Does it set you up for a successful morning? If not… why not? What are you giving your time and energy to?

Spend time with these questions and see what comes up. If you’re feeling frisky, hit me up on Instagram and share your answers with me.

Until next time, my wish for you is the ability to see your choices clearly and the awareness that you have the power to live the life of your dreams one ritual at a time.

Podcast Theme Music

License:  Rustic Ballad by Alexander Nakarada