Hide Your Crazy

In the spirit of full disclosure, I was raised "better" than the story I’m about to tell you might indicate. My grandmothers did their collective best to turn the wolf in me into a domesticated pup but they’ve been a long time gone and I think the best that we can hope for is that I’m a slightly antagonistic sheepdog at this point.

But I was raised better.

I was raised with the manners of a southern god-fearing girl to say “Yes, ma’am” and “Fine, thank you, how are you” and all of the other scripts good girls use when interacting with others.

The problem is, even as a child, I was mostly wolf. I say “problem” in that it has always been a problem for everyone else. It’s only a problem for me when I try to fit the mold I was raised to conform to. I’ll save the stories of me making teachers cry for another day.

Leave it to me to be holdin’ the matches

Today’s story is far more recent.

I was in a store recently in my head thinking introvert thoughts with my resting witch face when suddenly the clerk said, “Smile, it can’t be that bad.”

Now… I probably wasn’t smiling because it takes effort to use that many muscles continuously and I was off in another world thinking about other things before I was so rudely interrupted but I wasn’t unhappy or in a bad mood or anything other than simply not paying attention to the world around me.

But the thing about wolves is, it’s never a great idea to sneak up on them because they’re likely to snap at you when surprised.

So, I said, “What if I don’t want to smile? What if I just found out I’m going to be dead in three days.” And she said, “That didn’t happen, you can smile.” So I said, “Ok but what if it did? Why is it that you think that me making you comfortable by smiling is more important than me living my life and feeling my feelings? You don’t care about how I feel, you just want me to smile because it will make you feel better and I think it’s much kinder to just let someone feel however they want than to ask them to lie because I’m uncomfortable.”

That’s not an exact quote, but it’s pretty darn close.

She looked at me like I’d shot her puppy. To be honest, her bagger was looking a little like they’d just watched a trainwreck, and then I was like “OH...I was supposed to just smile and shut up. Oh well.”

I don’t even feel bad about it, it’s just that times like these make me realize how different my brain is. 

But it also makes me feel incredible empathy for all of my friends who get told to “just smile” or “you look so much prettier when you smile” or “why do you always look mad?” 

You literally have no idea how anyone else feels by looking at their face unless you’re an empath or telepathic and even then you could be interpreting wrong and I’m not going to let you count it.

There are enough people-pleasers out in the world judging themselves for not being happy or outgoing or good enough in whatever way. They for sure don’t need some rando or a family member telling them how they should pretend to feel. 

And if you’re one of those people that say smile, for the love of little bunnies, check your intentions. Why do you feel the need to do that? Do you think if you tell me to scowl like an athlete, I’ll suddenly be magically more athletic? Nope. So why in the world would you tell someone to smile? It’s for sure not because you want them to be happier because you don’t (a) know that they’re unhappy and (b) that’s not how emotions work - there isn’t a switch that’s going to be activated by the muscles in someone’s face forming a smile. 

When you tell someone who isn’t smiling to smile, you’re telling them to pretend to feel something they aren’t feeling. You’re telling them to follow your “How to be a person” manual without taking into consideration that it’s not your place. You aren’t them.

AND if you never do that but you have it done to you all the time, feel free to take any of the thoughts I’ve offered and smile or don’t as you like.

Either way, it’s probably best not to tell me to smile unless I’m paying you to take my picture and I’ve specified that I want one of me smiling ;) 

Music Time

Now let’s talk music. This story was making it into the podcast and it took me forever to figure out what song went with it and to be fair, I didn’t. I texted my best friend something along the lines of “What’s that song where the chick looks like a 50’s starlet with bright red lipstick and she’s talking about how she needs to fix her face?” My friend texted back the singer and the song because she’s awesome like that. Which brings us to Mama’s Broken Heart by Miranda Lambert 

From the song:

Powder your nose, paint your toes

Line your lips and keep 'em closed

Cross your legs, dot your I's

And never let 'em see you cry

Go and fix your make up, well it's just a breakup

Run and hide your crazy and start actin' like a lady

'Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together

Even when you fall apart

So tell me... 

Have you ever been told to smile when you were having a perfectly delightful time not smiling? Or have you been told not to cry when you were falling apart? Did you know you could tell whomever to take a long walk off a short pier or did you feel the need to comply? What about now? If you didn’t want to fake it would you feel empowered to express your authentic feelings? 

Spend time with these questions and see what comes up. If you’re feeling frisky, hit me up on Instagram and share your answers with me.

Until next time, my wish for you is the courage to smile, scowl, or do anything else you want with your beautiful face.

Podcast Theme Music

License:  Rustic Ballad by Alexander Nakarada