See Everything Clearer

You know all of my episodes come with a song and this time is no different. Well, it’s a little different because I’m going to give you a little sneak peek. When I first heard this song, I fell in love with it but there’s this one line that is pure magic…

I’ve got to keep all of my demons on a leash in sight because if I let them go far, I know I’ll never see the light of day.

I used to feel that way all of the time.

I felt like I was too emotional - not some of the emotions either but ALL of them. Too passionate, too prone to rage, too easily hurt - really just too much and I considered those my demons. It’s probably why I identify as Vulcan.

The point is, I keep a leash on my emotions like I’m holding Solomon's ring and commanding a legion of demons.  If you don’t get that reference, feel free to message me on Instagram and I’ll point you to the magician in the Bible that’ll make you go, “Wait, what?”

If you’re not here for talk of demons, whether real or personal, don’t worry that was just a little aside.

The main point of this particular episode is actually about loving who you are in this moment.

What? You find it hard to believe that you’re enough? That you could love the You that needs to lose fifty pounds, find a lover, have a cleaner house, yell less at your kids, and maybe learn to tango?

I get it.

I totally use to get caught in that trap all the time, and I occasionally find myself slipping back into it from time to time.

It’s so seductive to spend time in the fantasy world where you’re thin, have a perfect relationship, a maid, an even temper, and dance like you just got pulled out of a corner.

Please for the love of all that’s holy, tell me you got THAT reference. 

The point is, getting there isn’t going to ever be better than where you are right now. 

It’s a fantasy and a lie.

You’re going to have the same brain no matter what external circumstances you change so if you want to feel differently about your life, there’s no reason you can’t have that now.

How is that for the most fantastic and terrifying news in the history of ever?

It’s fantastic because you can have the feelings you want nowish and it’s terrifying because it means you can’t solve your emotional distress by restricting what you eat, shopping,  or relationship-hopping. I know. Bummer.

Music Time

I found this musician on Instagram, where I’ve been finding a lot of new music lately. Her name is Em and the song is Nobody Else. 

From the song:

It's no secret that I get in my head

And I think that I'm not enough

I believe it, like a fact in a book

That I can't stop picking up

And I'm diving off the deep end when I'm trying

To go slow and dip my feet in, but I'm dying

And I wish that I could help it

But I get too satisfied

With the idea of this perfect life

Where I don't cry

But I mean it, 'cause I try and I try and I try

But when I take a better look at myself

I should be happy that I'm nobody else

I mean really when I look in the mirror

And see everything clearer

I am happy that I'm nobody else

The thing is, very nearly every one of my perfect friends thinks they aren’t enough. 

I find this mind-boggling because one, I have excellent taste in people and clearly they’re all amazing and two - because by virtue of existing, we’re ALL enough. 

But I also get it because I feel that way semi-regularly depending on what the context is. Because context matters, ya know?

One friend might have her romantic relationships locked down, but feels like she’s not a “good enough” mother.

Another has family all sorted and feels like a fraud in her business.

Then there are some who hide in their businesses because relationships are fubar.

This song hits all of it so if you’ve ever felt like that, you should for sure hit the show notes, YouTube, or a streaming service and listen. 

So tell me... 

What demons are you keeping on a leash? How do you get in your head and convince yourself you’re not enough? What does your idea of a perfect life look like and how does it keep you from appreciating the life you have now?

Spend time with these questions and see what comes up. If you’re feeling frisky, hit me up on Instagram and share your answers with me.

Until next time, my wish for you is that you see everything clearer and find the joy and satisfaction of being yourself, as you are, in this moment.

Podcast Theme Music

License:  Rustic Ballad by Alexander Nakarada