Every Heart You Know

I was preparing the Instagram posts for this week and the one I chose for Monday is by Leo Tolstoy:

“I’ve always loved you, and when you love someone, you love the whole person, just as he or she is, and not as you would like them to be.”

Often we say the words "I love you" but what we really mean is some version of, "I love you but…"

Unconditional love means we love the other person just as they are. We don’t love them despite something that makes them who they are but because of it. We don’t have to like it but it isn’t fair to expect them to change to make it "easier" for us to love them. 

The way you feel about someone is entirely dependent upon *your* thoughts, not their behaviors, actions, or personality.

They are for sure 100% as lovable as you are - and you totally are. 

That doesn’t mean you have to “put up with” something you don’t like. 

I’ll give an example: I can love someone who drinks to the point of being drunk and not want to be with them or around them. That doesn’t mean I don’t love them, it means I don’t want to be around people who are drunk. They can do them and I can love them for living the life they want; it just won’t be around me. I don’t hold it against them or ask them to change or try to make them feel like they have to choose between alcohol and me. They don’t have to choose because it’s my choice who I spend my time with and what I surround myself with. They get to be them and I get to love all of them. 

And that is unconditional love. 

That’s kind of an extreme example, so let’s go for something with a little less drama.

Let’s say you’re an extrovert and your partner is an introvert. They like to go out with you but not so much with a ton of other people who they’ll have to be “on” for. Neither of you has to change. You can go out and people all night and they can love that you love to do that. They can stay home and read a book and you can love that they love to read. It doesn’t have to be “I love you but I want you to XYZ.” It can always be “I love you and it’s fine if you don’t want to do this thing with me.” As long as you mean it. Don’t be passive-aggressive and say you don’t mind when what you really mean is - I’m going to say I don’t mind so you feel guilty and do it with me. 

For reals tho - don’t be that person. Or do and just know that’s not unconditional love, that’s manipulation. 

Alrighty, one more thing before I start to wind down.

Don’t forget that you can love yourself just as you are too, you don’t have to wait until you change💞 

You can love the You that hasn’t got the perfect job, weight, wardrobe, car, or whatever else you think will finally make you good enough to love.

I promise, you’re there now.

If you take the time to fall in love with the person you are now, just imagine what your life could be right now - not at some distant point in the future.

Music Time

The music for this week’s episode was inspired by the quote I shared earlier but the musical selection is I Dare You to Love by Kelly Clarkson.

From the song:

We're all full of hope, 

Trying to stay afloat, 

Trying to save one another

People let you drown 

because they don't know how to stay above water

When they're too broken 

to know what they've put you through

Do the only thing that you'd want done to you

I dare you to love 

Even if you're hurt 

and you can only see the worst 

Even if you think it's not enough

I dare you to love

So tell me... 

When was the last time you told someone you loved them but there was a secret caveat hiding in the back of your mind? How would you feel if the person telling you they loved you informed you it was conditional? What kind of conditions are you placing on your love for yourself? What if you dropped all of those stories and just felt your way into unconditional love for you and all the people in your life. What if it was possible to feel that way about all of the humans all of the time?

Spend time with these questions and see what comes up. If you’re feeling frisky, hit me up on Instagram and share your answers with me.

Until next time, my wish for you is to experience love just as you are.

Podcast Theme Music

License:  Rustic Ballad by Alexander Nakarada