Nobody’s Right If Everybody’s Wrong

My eldest and I were driving and I had just put on lipstick when he said, “Oh, you want to look pretty because we’re going out.”  And I told him “No, no one was really going to see me; I only ever wanted to look pretty for me” and that I was putting it on then because my lips were dry. 

And he said, “I’m so glad I’m not a girl and I don’t have to wear makeup” to which I responded, “I don’t have to, I want to and some men like to wear it too.” 

He said he thought that was weird and asked me why would they do that because “it’s a girl thing.” I told him it’s a whoever-wants-to thing and that just because his subjective viewpoint is that he’d rather not use makeup doesn’t mean he should make fun of other people who have a different point of view and he said “Oh.”

We talk about subjective thoughts versus objective facts a lot because I’m me.

Buckle in because you’re about to get a glimpse into what a normal 15-minute conversation with me is like.

So, then I told him I mostly don’t care what other people do as long as it doesn’t harm me or those I care about - and that even the idea that I need to protect him and his brother or myself is subjective and not everyone would agree it was the right thing to do. He said “That’s why there are wars” and I said “Yup.”

And he said, “Adolf Hitler wasn’t evil. He was doing what he subjectively thought was right” and I said “Wellllllll, we don’t know what he thought, right? He could have thought he was just going to do what he wanted or he may not have thought about what he was doing at all or maybe he thought what he was doing was totally right. Regardless, he for sure used propaganda to influence people into following them by playing to their subjective fears and beliefs.” 

He asked why their parents didn’t teach them to manage their minds and use the Model and I explained that most parents don’t know how to manage their own minds so they couldn’t teach their children. He decided that was sad and I pointed out that me using the model and teaching it to him wasn’t any better or worse than the parents who taught their children to use the information provided by Hitler. It was all neutral and it’s just our subjective thoughts that make one feel more right or wrong.

Then I pointed out that there are a lot of parents who intentionally teach their children to be obedient and follow the subjective viewpoints of religious or political leaders. He said, “That means religion is evil.” I just looked at him and he said, “It can’t be evil, it’s just different” and I said, “There we go.” 

Then I told him a lot of people who believe they are very good people and who try to follow all the rules they’ve been given would think I’m a very bad person - a heretic even - for saying that all of those rules are optional. They’d even think I was a bad mother for teaching him to see the world as a collection of subjective beliefs and optional thoughts. They might even classify me as evil because I opted out of those thoughts. Then I asked him if that makes me evil and he said no. So I asked him if it makes them evil and he said “No, it makes them different.”

Totally a proud parent moment.

Then he said he’s so happy I know how to manage my mind and that I need to teach all the people so there aren’t more wars. 

Challenge accepted ;) 

Now, before you get cranky and tell me that some wars “need” to be fought and it’s “wrong” to say that you can use thought work to see all sides and I’m advocating to allow atrocities to go unchecked, I have a few more things to say.

If everyone was managing their minds perfectly, taking full responsibility for their results, and not trying to change their circumstances or impose their own thoughts and beliefs on others, there wouldn’t be war, crime, nationalism, racism, or any of the other isms… at least that’s my subjective belief that I created by repeatedly thinking the same thoughts and I’m going to keep it because it serves me and I like my reasons ;)

I also don’t believe it’s likely to happen in my lifetime, but I can for sure try to nudge it that way for the future humans.

Music Time

Today’s episode was inspired by my thirteen-year-old, but I still need a soundtrack, and the chorus from For What It’s Worth by Buffalo Springfield is what I heard in my head while I was writing.

I’m going to skip the chorus, however, because I’m sure you know it. The relevant part is found in the verses, which I’ll share. 

From the song:

There's battle lines being drawn

Nobody's right if everybody's wrong

Young people speaking their minds

Getting so much resistance from behind

What a field day for the heat 

A thousand people in the street 

Singing songs and they carrying signs 

Mostly say, "Hooray for our side"

Paranoia strikes deep

Into your life it will creep

It starts when you're always afraid

Step out of line, the men come and take you away

We better stop

So tell me... 

Even if you aren’t ready to buy into my utopian fantasy world, where in your life could you accept that your truth isn’t the ultimate truth and how would that allow you to accept the truth of others with more ease, understanding, love, and acceptance. And if you can do it with one thing… What else could you do it with? What could be accomplished with those types of baby steps? What truths would you choose to keep and which ones would you be willing to release?

Spend time with these questions and see what comes up. If you’re feeling frisky, hit me up on Instagram and share your thoughts with me.

Until next time, my wish for you is the freedom that comes from the objective understanding that good and evil, right and wrong, and even truth are subjective and your thoughts about them are optional.

Podcast Theme Music

License:  Rustic Ballad by Alexander Nakarada